Conflict Resolution
– Musings of Dr. Jamie C. Hsu, 4.29.2018
We all encounter conflict in our lives. It may be with a child, spouse, friend, colleague or boss. Such conflicts, when not handled right, can cause unpleasant arguments, bruised egos, or even long-term hurt feelings. When conflicts arise, most people either get angry and fight, or get sad and flee. Not too many people have learned how to turn such disagreements into win-win solutions.
Here are a few steps which might help you reach win-win peaceful resolutions:
- Start by stating how you feel about the situation and sticking to the facts, without accusing the other or taking on a non-yielding position. Focus on the problem at hand and not what the other person did.
- Really listen to each other and make sure you understand what has been said by repeating what you heard. Often times, active listening and empathy can resolve any misunderstandings rather quickly.
- Identify the issues and concerns of each other and list them on a board. The board will serve as a neutral platform for both of you to solve all the issues listed, regardless of who brought it up. You both now own the complete list of issues and are responsible for solving them together.
- Identify some common desirable outcomes for both parties. At this stage, focus on the common desires, not the differences. The positive outcome will propel you to work together to find solutions.
- Brainstorm options to address most of the listed issues. Work and discuss like a team to tackle the common enemy as listed on the board.
- Select 1-2 options which will benefit both sides to some extent. Celebrate the outcome and plan together to move forward. This can create new esprit de corps and eliminate prior hard feelings.
Oftentimes, the “other party” may not be in the room or willing to deal with you. Then you should wear both hats and do the above exercise for both of you. After you reach step 6, you can submit the win-win proposal to the other party to start a more civilized discussion.
Of course, these rational steps are easier said than done. But given time and practice, it will help you reduce some fight-or-flight situations and create more win-wins in your career and life.
解決衝突的要訣
–作者 許俊宸博士
–中譯 薛乃綺
我們在生活中會經常遇到跟自己的孩子、另一半、親友、同事、甚至是老闆發生衝突。這些衝突若處理不當，很容易會引起不愉快的爭論、自我受挫、長期來看也會傷害彼此之間的感情。當衝突發生時，大多數人會生氣、爭論、覺得不開心、或想要逃跑。比較少人會去試著瞭解如何將這種分歧變成雙贏的解決方案。
以下是可能幫您達成雙贏和平解決的幾個步驟：
1. 首先說明你對事情的感受，面对事實，但不指責對方或站在不屈服的立場。專注於現有的問題、而非其他人做错了什麼，這會是個很好的開始。
2. 認真傾聽對方的話，並且將你所聽到的再複述一遍，以確保你真的瞭解對方所說的內容。通常，積極的傾聽和同理心可以很快解決雙方的誤解。
3. 確認彼此的問題和關注點，並且將它們列在一個單子上。這份清單可以作為你們雙方之間一個中立的平台，幫助你們解決列出的所有問題、無論是誰提出的。你們要一起針對這些議題，擁有它們，並且負起責任来共同解決這份問題清單。
4. 彼此為對方確認一些理想的結果。在這個階段要專注於共同的願望，而非差異。正面思考將有助於推動彼此雙方一起尋找解決方案。
5. 腦力激盪出一些可能的方案，這已解決了大多數的問題。像團隊般一樣的工作和討論，以解決單子上所列出來的共同問題敵人。
6. 選擇一或俩個對彼此都有幫助的選項，一起慶祝結果，並且共同向前邁進。如此可以創造出新的團隊精神，並且消除先前所存在的負面情緒。
很多時候，對方可能不想或不願意跟你打交道，這時候你可以試試戴着兩頂帽子，分飾自己與對方兩種角色來練習。當你做完6個步驟後，再將能夠雙贏的提案交給對方，並且開始更文明地討論。
當然，這些步驟說來容易、做起來難。但有時間練習後，它可以幫助你減少爭執或想要逃跑的負面情況，並且在生活或事業上創造更多的雙贏。
